All the words that I couldn't say will fade into insignifigance...

Tomarrow is the first of the month, and as you frequent blog readers may know, that is seven months. I'm floating on cloud nine right now. Mom isn't yelling, I saw Brit, it's roughly two and a half hours before Brit and I reach seven months together. I love her very much. She's very very good to me. I love her and everything about her. She's smart, compassoinate, and beautiful. Which is why I'm blogging. Yup, that's it. I just wanted to get that out there. I love Brit and she loves me. It's more than I ever dreamed was possible, more than I ever asked for, and i found it in my best friend. I'm so lucky.

I Love You, Brit.

What you want to state, state.

umm, what shall i write about?

well, saturday night i went bowling and that seemed to go well, brit and her friends had fun, nick and i just kind of sat in the back and he was instant messaging and i was waiting for my turn to bowl. It's kind of hard to interact with those girls when they're hell bent on picking up other guys and exchanging sleezy pickup lines.

Sunday i went to the office and i pinched my finger on the machine for rolling bands, so i bandaged it up, and went home. after sitting at home and playing with the dogs until twelve thirty, i talked to brit and pickd her up at one. Brit and i went to see Nanny McPhee, which was actually good (brit is actually starting to pick out better and better choices for movies), but my mom called in the middle and asked me to come home. Brit uncomfortable (with good reason to be), so i took her home. I got home and after a half hour i called my mom. I asked where she was and for some reason that question sparked a whole series of events that ended with me all distraught and a bruise from a potato being thrown at my head.

My mom is the epitome of an irrational human being. What she really needs is to go back to new jersey and live under her dad's room, because mentally she's not mature enough at all to deal with the pressures of being an adult. Honestly, who throws a fucking potato?

So my mother's irrational antics left me feeling bad, but not because i had a potatoe thrown at me, but because it made Brit feel bad. I was pretty distraught about it myself, but Brit always pins the blame on herself and just automatically assumes that my mother's anger is coming after her. She deffinately has good reason to have that suspicion though, because my mom calls her and screams at her for issues unrelated to brit all the time. I feel like crap when it's all said and done, because my mom is jealous of how my relationships always work out better than hers and brit is flustered and mad at me because my mother gave birth to me, and my mom is an irrational human being.

So feeling bad about having to leave early on sunday, i decided to go see brit after school, and she seemed like she was in good spirits.

I get home today and mom's email connection isn't working because she is a retard and i forgot to bring all the numbers home so her brand new apple cant read email, but nothing is phasing her. It's like she is on lithium.
i've had it with her.

The Bullets are Treason

Today was really long, really stressful, and my head really hurts. everyone is mad at me, and i just tried to make everyone happy altogether in one room, and it didnt work out so hott. I woke up early to take the girls to school, but then mom decided she didnt need me to take them again. i had an hour to pack, ship, and bill 15 international packages (which is almost impossible by the way) and then get to my sister's 430 doctor appointment, which ran late and i was there until 630. then i went out. I kept brit happy thouh, so i guess it's all worth it. that was my goal tonight.

New Phone

Alright!!! So everytime i'v ehad a cell phone i've always had the shittiest ones you cuold think of because my mom made me pay for them myself and they used to break every 4 to 7 months. so i was bitching to may dad about it, and i got the new samsung a900, which is their answer to the motorola razr. It's really sweet, i like it a lot.

Brit it sick. She's been dyeing her hair for a little over an hour now... i hope eveything is going well. She is overly self-conscious and likes to change her hair on a frequent basis. If it makes her feel better, then i guess its cool.

It's five in the morning and the lights already broken

So today I went to school. School sucks. I hate school. Classes blew today. It was really long. It probably was so bad today because this morning started with my sister banging and screaming at my door because she needed me to take her to school today. Yeah, and the day was pretty bad after that. School was so long, and all my teachers sucked.

Brit was sick, so I decided to try and make her smile. I brought her a can of Progresso Chickerina with a pink bow, CVS brand throat drops because they were half the price of the name brand ones. I made her smile for like five minutes, but that was more than she smiled all day, i think, so it was all worth it.

Tommarrow I should be getting my phone in. I need to get my car fixed, i have the part now. Brit's paranoia is going away, slowly, but never-the-less her mind is being eased. Things are getting better.

Doesn't make it alright, to roll it over my son, and leave me here.

OK, I'm here again people out there in blogger land. I'm kind of bored, and have nothing to do, so what is there better to do than to update my blog!!!

Brit and I think to much. Her more than i, and on different reasons, but never-the-less, we both do it. I wish she would calm down because yesterday she made herself sick... =/

Exam grades are coming in with higher marks than expected. History is a 90, Chemisty is a 75.9, and Theology is a B. My other teachers are being whores and aren't sympathizing with the fact that my edline account doesnt work and i can not access my class information.

I went to the Hendricken v. West game tonight and west got slaughtered. Jonny C warmed the bench until almost the end, and then coach Gomes let him in, which was cool.

We're just like the sun because we shine with rhymes, and the underground is like the moon, you only see it at certain times

So today i was taking my itialian exam and i finished it in like and hour and twenty minutes. And then Mr. Picirilli came in, and the shit hit the fan. He goes, are you finished? and i go "yes." and then he said "This was designed to be a two hour exam." and then i said "Well, i had to go to the bathroom, so i figured i f i whipped through the test..." and then he said "i think this is a good time for you to SHUT UP!" and then he kicked the door and stormed out.

so exams are going good. lol

You Know what the Sun's all about when the lights go out

So yeah, exams taken thus far:

History CP1 for Mr.Archetto - COMPLETE JOKE!!!
PreCalculus CP1 for Mrs. Ryan - SHE PUT ALL THE FORMULAS ON THE BACK PAGE!!!!
Theology III (morality) CP1 for Dr. Tardiff - EASY!!

Yeah, so basically exams are a breeze thus far, but tomarow i have English and Italian, so it should be half good. Italian is going to be really simple because i swichted out to the dumb kid class. Then Friday i ought to do pretty well on chemistry because i have Mrs. Babula.

My Dad's leg blew up the size of a blimp again, so we didnt go get my phone. I'm kind of worried about this arthritis thing because it's never done it befroe, but the last two weeks, his leg has been fluctuating in size.

so tomarrow i get my new phone!!!

Brit thinks that she is fat!! she's is really dumb. she only wieghs like 90lbs.

I hitched a ride with my soul by the side of the road, just as the sky turned black

Yesterday I saw "Casanova" with Brit. That was actually both a good and bad movie at the same time. they fight scenes were really randomly placed, and the historical innacuracy really really sucks, it kills the whole movie.

Today Brit found a winterball dres!!!! she was really depressed and down because she couldn't find one tat fit, but with some minor alterations, the one she found is absolutely perfect. It's not over done, she looks stunning to begin with, and she makes the actual dress look 100 times better. She was breathtakingly gorgeous when she tried it on today.

I've kind of been dealing with some inner demons about what i had percieved to be a dead issue, but for me it's not, and i dont think it is for Brit either. She just doesnt trust me like she used to, and that really really gets me down. She can't even have fun at the beach anymore. I really ruined that one.

I was left alone with nothing to do but go to work, and after i was alone and feeling bad again. I was at home building a fire when my mom called and asked me to go to get some wrapping paper for my sister. after cruising to a few places, a ran into a couple of friends that have the same thought... i deffinately dont deserve what i have, and if they were in brit's possition, they would have been out of there four months ago when the trouble started.

Thinking, Reviewing, Kicking myself in the ass...

On a happy note, the band is off the ground now. Chris, Kyle, and I went to Matt's house and bought his "well broken in bass." So yeah, Pat switched over to bass for the band. It's gonna be really awsum. I have a really good feeling about this one, this time. Chris and Kyle are phenominal, Nick is pretty insane and pretty versatile with the drums, and I suck, but that's besides the point. We all like eachother and we all have really high expecations for this band.

I've got a new perspective on things. I really just confirmed to myself tonight that i really am an asshole and a horrible person, and everything i never wanted to be. I hurt people, i yell, i'm selfish, and everyone thinks those things of me. So,i really am lost now. I'm my worst fear...

I hope you know, that it's touhg and go, I hope the tears don't stain the world that waits outside, Where did it all go wrong?

So, yes, life, very interesting. Brit and I had another GIGANTIC fight. And this time it was really really dumb. I think we were both having a bad day and then we both felt abused, and in the end no one got anything out of our argument. I agreed to let her handle her own life and make her own descisions (even though she has eveyone else make them for her... she doesn't like thinking) and not bug the crap out of her when she's in pain and has a problem. And Brit's resolution was to put on a mask and always be happy. I kind of oppossed that, and pleaded with her not to do that because i thought it was very very irrational, but obviously she saw things in the other light, and to tell you the truth, i don't know if she actually is still staying with that plan of action or being honest about what she thinks and feels. Part of that problem is that she is a really really good faker with people she doesnt trust, and she stopped trusting me like two months ago. so if se wanted to, she could most deffinately pull it off. I just wish she wouldn't, and I hope she never does.

My dad, well, he's good... ish. Yeah, dad moved out of Susan's and is living in Providence now in his friend Mary's house. That's got it's posotives and negatives. The good, dad is now right next to federal hill and can get fresh ingridients to cook with since he likes to cook for my sister and i, he's right around the corner from work, so i can see him everyday if i want, he's not subjected to yelling all the time anymore. Negatives, he's alone in the house...
His leg... or what's left of his left leg (knee to four inches down) is all swollen and his prosthetic doesn't fit anymore... They think it might be arthritis flarring up or they think itmay be a blood clot, which is really really bad, because that's what caused hime ot have the vien replacement surgery that led to the loss of his other leg. His heart is too week to support those extra artificial viens and they just collapse.

My Grandma is extremely sick, not just the alhiemerz is bugging her now, but she has ovarian cancer, too. Her biopsy was extremely unpromising and her doctors gave her six months to a year, and they were being optimistic. The swelling from her biopsy is really really bad. She wakes up and it hurts her a lot to roll over in the bed, which is really small at the nursing home, she doesnt eat, if she does it's crap junk food, and she's always really pale now. Her dog, Buster, is really cool and forcing her to get up everyonce in a while and move from the bed to the coach to the back door. so she's not totally sedintary all day.

My sister... is my sister, no need to go into that

My mom, bi-polar. no further explanation neccasary

My cousin ghetto mike. man, i gotta find time, bro.

My dogs:
Muffin: freakin awsum. I love muffin. She's healthy and fifty-one pounds.
Tilly: ninety pounds (i think) and she is one goofy ball of fluff. she rules.
New Dog: We named him Jack. Brit actually came up with the suggestion. Everyone seemed to like it. He is the coolest little german shepherd ever. he looks a lot like Rambo did when he was a puppy (Rambo, I miss you bud. Rambo died in august '05)

So you maybe asking yourself, "Why the hell did that fat piece of crap spend of this time writing this big long blog entry, waste all of this time he could have been doing his homework and observe everyone in his life?"
Well, the answer is, Everyone in my life is really important to me. It's anew year and i had no resolutions. I need to be nicer to people. Especially Brit. She always catches my shit when i have the slightest of bad days, and the few times she actually tells me whats going on, I flip out. I've just been so stressed all i think about is work and yell at everyone. But if there's one person i should never be yelling at, it's her. So my new years resolution, talk about my problems, be honest, don't yell, and solve them out in my had, not with anger and agression on other people. Too Bad this resolution came 11 days into the new year. I could have used it about 4 months ago.

New Dog

Oh, yeah, I forgot to inform everyone out in blogger land that we have a new dog. If you look in my archive of posts, you will find a longer than normal entry fro august when my dog died. Yeah i had a 130 lb german shepard that died of old age. basically, everyone in my house got tired of only having two dogs, both of which are cruddy guard dogs, so my mom went out and got a purebread shepherd on christmas day. His name is Jack and he is pretty cool. He is a nice new addition to the zoo of unique animals we have. muffin is affraid of him, and tilly is really jealous. he's am pretty good dog thus far.

i was a good friend and went and helped justin out with his iPod today. He got his liscense, so i went over and i congratulated hime, and then whipped out my Mac and started transfering iPod files. Now his iPod is all good. He still needs an iPod update and his PC could bennefit from getting another virus protection besides norton.

They got caught up in your talent show

So today was the first day back at school, and it actually wasn't that bad. With the exception of Mrs.Charbineau, eveyone wasw pretty ok. No one yelled, no one screamed, no one bitched about missed work or underadequate work, and the only test i had today was with Mr. Piccirilli in Italain (which is always a breeze and I can do no wrong in that man's eyes). So I hope the rest of the week stays this way. I have had the need to write since i got back onto my mac, so i opened up the blogger. Just the way the keys flow on my ibook make's me want to write more and more. so i'm probably going to go back to bloggin everyday.

oh, and if anyone out there in blogger land knows where i can get an 802.11b original airport card for a g3 for cheap, that would be much appriciated.

thanks